it

i can feel it

it's close

so near

making my heart beat

anticipation

this is exciting

a few days off a year since my last post...

and I'm still in the same transitional state, or just another one. Something must happen at this time of year - the academic year is in full swing, or for others, grinding to a halt, Christmas is looming to be shortly followed by celebrations of the New Year giving folk the freedom to open the door to 2010 and leave the past behind, let's not leave the lessons. Perhaps the number gives significance, such as when children reach 'double-figures' they are promoted a step up the maturity ladder.

Today, when I found a kindered spirt in a friend who suffers my same dilemas, said "So many people I have been speaking to are all the same, not sure to go home and start studying or finishing their studies, or to keep travelling, or to go to some other destination and start there.... i think it is the whole thing of all good things must come to an end and the "what am i going to do next" thing too!!! I just wish some times some one could make up my mind for me.... "

It makes me wonder, we're all so different and all the same, part of this great global conciousness...

Myself, I see 2010 as the opportunity to disregard my reservations about committment, career, university, change of discipline and so on. Great things are happening, my life feels like the swell of a storm about to break open all kinds of adventure and activity, I must be realistic and expect that the misadventures and pain will follow. But hey, isn't that what life is all about?

A good time to look upon all of the accomplishments we have made, lessons we have learnt, friends we have made, loves we have lost and experiences shared... It just makes me think, "wow, what a year", and still there are 6 weeks remaining...

Don't abandon UK, Times urges Aussies

"But the economic downturn is adding another reason to leave Britain, on top of the usual gripes of Aussies here - including the notoriously miserable weather, especially at this time of year."
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/11/26/2429627.htm

I'm working two bar jobs and earning enough to get by, the job hunt & good money making in London hasn't turned out to be as easy as I expected, but I'm staying positive; even attitudes like those below won't beat me down, maybe the winter will - I hear there are jobs aplenty in the south of Spain....


"Marvellous news, the sooner they all leave the better. They pay no tax, contribute nothing to society (except vomit and swearing) and take up swathes of town centres as no-go areas to english people. I won't miss them one bit."
David, St Albans, UK (on "London exodus as Australians return home for jobs and sun", http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5225956.ece)

No longer blonde!

I've given up the blonde to return to red, or burgundy, which should be easier maintenance for travelling - 4 days in Oz remaining, my stomach is constantly doing somersaults, I'll blame my current and constant state of disorganisation, but I actually think its some other bizzare sickness...

ode to Darcey

how can a dog smile like that? certainly no human can. nor can a human make you forget about your trivialities and roll around on the floor laughing

"she loved chicken, still looked cute when she lost her teeth and always knew she was the boss..." that was the eulogy

pushed our buttons, made us mad, but was continually gorgeous and her fur soaked up my tears when i was sad. she'd go any where i'd take her, our little secret adventures.

thanks babe, you did a fabulous job! i'll miss you forever

a new moth, a new city: Sydney

a sigh of relief and a "whoo hoo" of excitement as i arrived at my apartment, it's been a rough ride to get here - even the flight was bumpy.

as i walked to discover the timing of my route to the office, the unfamiliar faces remind me that there are many new people to meet and new streets to discover, also that there will be no one calling out "hey binni" as i walk past my favourite local places. yet.

by now, a little of, the excitement has worn off and i am appreciating this luxury - 9th floor, spacious 2 bedroom apartment, sparking pools and manicured courtyards just a stones' throw, lines of shiny, clean cars and dozens upon dozens of windows into apartments and other peoples lives. nice, but no thanks.

brilliant. i'm back in my favourite state of uncertainty - i am staying here tonight and tomorrow night, tomorrow, and for the next 9 months, i will be working here in sydney, next sunday i will fly back to albury for 2 nights, and for christmas i will be in cambodia. but, i don't know where i will stay on wednesday, thursday, friday or saturday nights this week. i don't know where or who i will be spending saturday night, or where i will shop, eat drink, laugh or cry!!! will i be lonely? maybe.

but it is a new adventure, salvation for my sobbing soul. open and wide, deep and blue as the ocean

crossroads on the rapids

sometimes people wish for an extra hand... here's an visual for today's state of mind: I'm on a raft(khmer style of course), holding two fishbowls, one filled with my mind's thoughts and the other with my heart's thoughts, heading towards some rapids and can see the river dividing. I can only carry one fishbowl further. I need to figure out what I can take with me... surely i could transfer between the bowls? time will tell.

My return flight to Bangkok left on Tuesday night, I wasn't on it. That ticket has been my safety net, my guaranteed return 'home' to Cambodia for the last 342 days and now it's gone. There's a big wide world out there and I'm less scared of it than I am of staying in my hometown. Time to confront my fears?